Bryson, you're listening to that music podcast with Bryson Tarbet, the curriculum designer and educational consultant behind that music teacher and the elementary music Summit. Each week, Bryson and his guests will dive into the reality of being an elementary music teacher and how music can truly be transformative in the lives of the students you serve. Show Notes and resources mentioned in this episode can be found at that music teacher.com
Hello everyone, and welcome back to that music podcast. I am super excited to welcome back to the podcast, Grace. Stevens. Grace, thank you so much for joining us today.
Oh, my pleasure. Thank you so much for having me. Bryson,
so for any listeners who might have missed our previous conversation, which, by the way, was episode 102, can you give a little recap of your journey from corporate life to teaching and now how you help teachers find balance and happiness, alright,
yeah. Well, was not a straight path. It never is right. I was a second career teacher. I was actually like crushing it in the corporate world. I was a corporate VP, and from the outside, it looked like I had achieved every goal I had set for myself by the age of 30, but then my mid 30s, I was just drowning in like anxiety, and I had postpartum depression, and never really even had a second to deal with that, and I was just constantly overwhelmed and stressed and running and empty, and I felt like what I did had no purpose other than generating income for shareholders and all the things anyway, I decided I needed to make a change. So my childhood dream had to be a public school teacher. And so I went back to school at like 37 and got my teaching credential. And for 16 years I worked in a title one school which had all the things that I thought really it had purpose, it had connection, all the things that, like that foundational building blocks of, you know, happiness so awesome. And for the first couple of years, it was amazing. I felt like all my dreams come true, but really quickly, I managed to recreate the same circumstances for myself. Total lack of boundaries, working too many hours, overwhelmed, stressed, like, feeling like I was not in control of my schedule, depression, all of those things. And like, for now a lot less money, right? And so I there was no way my family could not go through me changing my careers again. And I didn't want to change careers again, so I decided I didn't need to change careers. I needed to, you know, change me like I like this job has all the potential to make me happy. So why am I getting in my own way? And so that's what I did. I went into this big old deep dive of all things, you know, positive psychology, brain science, nerdy. I'm kind of nerdy. I became certified in neuro linguistic programming, all the things anyway, well, my superpower, it turns out, I stayed in teaching for 20 years, which I always said I would be a public servant for 20 years. But my superpower came in the form of taking all this research and nerdy stuff and making it into practical habits for teachers that they could apply in their classroom every single day. And so that's what I did. I wrote a book that kind of took off, called positive mindset habits for teachers. And that's it. After 20 years, I decided I could have more impact, like, realistically, like, I'm almost 60, like, how many more classrooms am I going to have? I felt like I could ultimately affect more students if I started working with teachers, kind of the ripple effect of that. So that's what I do now. I call myself a teacher empowerment coach. I don't really know what it is exactly I do. You know, I talk to people about balance and boundaries and positive mindset, habits and all those things. I'm an author, podcaster, that's it. Love that in a nutshell.
So let's dive right in to the the big topic of your upcoming master class, which is the myth of the work life balance. So based on the fact that you use the word myth in the title, I have a feeling I know the answer to this question. But is there such thing as work life balance?
Well, there is no like magic planner that you can buy or AI prompt that you can put in. No, it really is a map. You can't really balance work and life. It's a series of choices, it's a series of decisions, and it's more of an integration. How do you integrate your work life into your life without it taking over life? Right? We're teachers, and we're very passionate about it, and if we're not careful, it becomes a whole. Identity. I call that this syndrome of like, you know, hashtag, teacher, life, like, right? Even, look, I'm just noticing as I'm sitting here, my teacher mug. It's all about teaching, right? And so, but this myth that you can have this perfect balance in you can't have perfect balance. You need to make intentional choices. And sometimes work will be more important, and sometimes other areas in your life are going to be more important. And trade offs need to be made, and we need to give ourselves permission to not be guilty about it or feel guilty about that. Yeah,
I think that's really like music teachers, especially like during concert season, it's not going to be 5050 like it's going to be very heavy on getting all the school stuff done, because it, you know, that's just that, that season of the year that you're in. So I feel like so it's so easy to think that it's always going to be 5050 or it's always going to be the same, but it's going to be very fluid because,
but here's the other thing that I see a problem with teachers is we keep thinking it will be better when, oh, it's just it's conference season, or it's conferences, or it's end of the grading period, or it's, you know, the end of school. And so we've got to get brought into other things, right? We always keep thinking it'll be better, it'll be better, it'll be better. And without kind of setting boundaries, it just turns into a really bad habit that we're the last car in the parking lot, and we feel like we, you know, should get a gold star for that, right? That's the culture that we've kind of cultivated,
yeah. And I think that's a really good point that, you know, there are going to be times where it's busier than others, but also, like that doesn't mean you don't get to make some of these decisions to make it easier during the rest of it, or even during those those rough times? Yeah, exactly, yeah. So a lot of teachers, I know this is a very common thing, feel like we're just being pulled in every single direction. You know, you kind of briefly mentioned on that already. What do you think are the most common misconceptions that teachers have about getting balance, or at least close to it.
So I would say the biggest misconception they have is like, I said, is like that or it's just for right now? Okay, go home, Marshall family. Is it really for just right now? Is it just because it's the first week of school or the last week of school? It really isn't. It really is something that we need to be right intentional about, have skills, have training around and honestly, like, have this kind of permission slip that we need to give ourselves. And nobody is going to tap you on the shoulder and say, Hey, it's okay if you do less like you got and and let's say that you're one of those, like teachers who can get it all done, and it seems so smooth on the outside. That was me, like nobody would people would be shocked to think that I was overwhelmed and stressed. I always had it together. And you know what? The more I did, the more got piled on to me. It's like, oh, she can do it. She can handle it. Like, it's not like, because administrators are evil. It's just like, convenient for them, right? So one misconception is that, like, Oh, it'll get better, or this is just the way it has to be. It does not have to be this way. And the other thing is, is this kind of, yeah, this kind of mythology that we've created around teaching that equates, like I said, the teacher who works the hardest is the better teacher, and that's simply not true, and we need to get over that. Like, I always tell teachers I work with, like, there's no extra points for being a martyr. There just aren't like, you know, you've got a you've got to be that person. You've got to not be insecure and fear of the judgment. You know how sometimes teaches like, oh, did you see what time she left? Like, like, you've just gotta let that go. Like, maybe people are jealous that you managed to get it all done and still managed to have this full life that really, in the end, not only benefits you, it stops you from burning out, but it benefits students so much. That's the whole point, right? My whole mantra, like, how many times you heard me say it? Anybody who's ever listened to me or read a book of mine, your energy teaches more than your lesson plans. How you show up matters. You show up. If you have no balance in your life, you are resentful, overwhelmed, exhausted. It's got not a good look. It doesn't make for a good day in the classroom. You're going to be easily triggered. You're going to be, you know, kids are going to bother you. They sense that there's that whole scientific, you know, thing of CO regulation. It's just not healthy, not for you, and not for students, and not for the school culture.
Yeah. I mean, I think that we feel like kids aren't super perceptive in that way, but they really are, like, like, I mean, think about it, when you're when you have a student that comes in and they are just having an off day, or they're just, like, really grumpy, or it's just, you're gonna, you're gonna give them a little bit more space, right? You're gonna do that. Or on the other side of things, you know, a student who might, you know, be a little, you know, worried, or, you know. At what's going to happen, you know, just they just feel that the anxiety, the tensioning in the air, you know, we talk a lot about, you know, you know, teacher working conditions, our student learning conditions. And it's the same thing when it comes to a teacher's, you know, mental health, quite frankly, you know, and, and that is a huge thing that I feel like it's missed when we talk a lot about self care for teachers is that it's not about doing more. It's about figuring out how to do what we need to do without
what this masterclass a lot is going to be about is, you know, you need some framework. Everything that gets thrown at you is, you know, important or urgent to somebody, you gotta, like, have a framework which is what we'll get into, and some tools to decide what am I, which balls am I going to catch, and which might intentionally, you know, just let them roll away like I can't do everything. What is my barometer for deciding what I can do and which of those things are going to have the most impact, and that's the same at school as it is at home. That's where that whole integration balance piece comes in. So you've already
kind of mentioned the fact that you'll be sharing a framework, but I know that especially after COVID, you know, COVID became a very big, you know, teacher self care after that was this huge buzzword, for better or for worse, unfortunately, a lot worse was the worst
kind of weaponized now, like, oh my god, you don't take care of yourselves. Like, what the actual heck, right?
And I feel like, why? Yeah. And I feel like, sometimes teachers, at this point, like they hear teacher self care, or they hear, hear like your topic, and they're like, Nope, this isn't going to be it. This is going to be another thing about remembering your why and things like that. So exactly district, can you talk, can you talk a little bit about how your approach to finding something close to a balance, at least, is different and more sustainable for teachers? Okay,
so a lot of it is going to be because it's science based, right? It's gonna all the habits that I teach. Like I said, I kind of so I'm also a certified life coach, and I feel like there's, there's a big there's not a big intersection, let's say of people giving professional development for teachers, because what I'm giving is actually personal development for teachers. There's skills we never learn, how to say no. How are we comfortable saying no? How to prioritize things, how to know the thing, like I said, the difference between things that are urgent versus important, not always the same thing, right? So I have some other kind of, what you might call more like soft skills that I bring to it, but very practical skills I use the same skills in the corporate world. There are some tools that life coaches use, a wheel of balance. It's like an easy way to get a snapshot of where you're out of balance, but it is dedicated, especially to the field you know, of teaching, because that's what I know. So the approach is different in that it always starts with mindset, but then it usually the exercises I do are, all you know, scientifically validated, like these are exercises people do and they've shown to make a difference, and they are not the kind of stuff that you usually seeing a PD. Nobody's bringing out. You know, when you go in and, and you go into a PD and they got, like, the the chart paper and the markers, don't you like? For me, I would already be like, Well, yeah, I would just, I mean it, especially after 20 years of PD, right? So that's why it's different. You leave with tools that you can use, that can you immediately implement, but such a big part of it is the mindset, I feel like you leave with this permission slip with me teaching you listen, do less and take accountability and take responsibility for doing this. That's where it's different. Yeah, right. In a school setting, it's hard for people to say, and I don't say in these many words, but really, like, stop being a victim of your day. Like you gotta take control. Like you've just gotta take control, because otherwise, all the stuff that gets thrown at you, there's no way you can do it, but you need to have some some tools to know, okay, what is important, what isn't important, otherwise you're just going to be stressed and you're going to feel guilt ridden, right? It's easier than to do it than to feel guilty that you didn't do it. Right? Is where most teachers fall into so that's where this approach is different. It's from a personal development kind of life skills, life coaching, not so much. It's, there is not going to be. One thing I talk about that is, you know, data, student outcomes, you know, objectives on the board. You know, whatever it's, it's not your usual. PD, so.
So let's talk about, you know, you talked about making, making some changes and and basically taking a little bit of control. And the biggest thing that I ever did was make the decision to leave work at work. And it all started with, you know, during COVID I, you know, we were getting emails, this, that, and the other thing about all the different restrictions and how they would change, and it and I, it all started with me taking my work email off my phone, and that was and then I realized how much better things were. And then I just started leave doing less at home and less at home. And eventually, then when the next school year started, I said, All right, I'm not bringing anything home. School is school. Work is work. If I need to stay late, maybe here and there. I'd rather do that than bring it home. So let's talk about leaving work at work, because I know that it's easier said than done. What advice do you have for a teacher is that are really finding it hard to switch off after school?
Okay? Well, first of all, I gotta tell you like you are a unicorn, like, because most people during like, the line between home and school had already, in the 20 years I'd been teaching, it already got very blurred, like when I first started teaching, like they couldn't reach you at home. We didn't have email, we didn't have Class Dojo or whatever on us, you know, we didn't have a classroom communication app on our phone, all those things, right? So it was much easier. Well, then as technology kind of got better. And then we were all, do you remember how excited? Yeah, I don't know. Maybe they were all, it was already a thing when you became a teacher. But for me, I was so excited to get my first school laptop, like, oh my god, a laptop like, Oh my gosh. That was the worst thing. Now there was no excuse for you not taking things home, right? And then when COVID happened, that line got blurred, got obliterated, right? We were teaching our bedrooms or our, you know, kitchens, wherever we could find a space. And that's been part of the issue, is that parents and administrators and whatever our students have got very used to having access to us all the time, because that's the precedent that was set during COVID, right? And so to separate that afterwards, I find has been difficult for teachers, but yes, some very good strategies are really as simple as you know, first off the technology. Take it off your phone, put disable, you know, your hours on the classroom communication app, take your school email off your phone, try not to bring your laptop home. I used to walk to school, so I always have my school bag. It was like a little rolling bag. I used people. I said, Oh, you look like you're walking through an airport. Oh, every day is a school, you know, a new adventure in learning, right? But I would leave, I wouldn't bring it in the house. I'd leave it the other side of the door in the garage so that I really like separated it, and if I did need to do something at home, it was a choice now, because it depends on your season of life. Listen, I had plenty of times I needed to leave school right one time because I had to pick up two schools, two different kids, different schools, single parent, all those things. Had to bring some home. You know, by the time my children were grown and flown, a lot more flexibility. Like I said, I worked, walk to work, so I would rather stay at school five more minutes, 10 more minutes, and then just I could walk home and decompress, right? So I encourage people to have some kind of closing ritual. For me, it was the walk home. For other people, it might be the drive home, right? Don't be listening to the school club podcast unless it's mine or Bryson. Like do something that you like to do just for you those few precious minutes till, you know, I used to say there was such a short window before I went from being Miss, Miss to Mom, mom, mom, right? Like it was just like classical music in the dark. So those types of things I teach, teach that have a closing ritual, which is just like, write down the three best parts of your day before you leave. It's like a pattern in or up tells your brain I'm leaving now. And it also has this benefit that when you get home, those things are in your brain. When someone says, How was your day, you don't regurgitate the kid that drove you crazy. You're like, oh, you know what? This fun thing happens. So, so things like that, but it does start with an in tension. All these things takes intention and attention. They're just bad habits we've gotten into. And because there are habits, you know, we can break habits simple, not easy, but simple and it can be done, yeah?
Kind of going off that point. You know, easy, not or simple, but not easy. You know, a lot of these are these things that have huge impact. Start with a very small decision, yeah, you know the decision to leave your where your work laptop at school, or, you know, your decision to walk out the door when your contract time is up, those are decisions that can have really big impacts. And I think that, you know they it can be challenging because they're so systemic a lot of the time. You know sometimes, you know, if you have a really bad administrator, they might be watching the parking lot to see who, who's. Dipping out right at the end, you know, right at contract time, or things like that, you know. Or you know, who's, who's, who's the last person in the parking lot at the end of the day, or who's here on the weekends, you know, like, and that's just not sustainable, and it's not something that we should strive for, you know, like, kind of,
no, it isn't. It isn't. And I gotta tell you, you know, I was on a wellness committee at my last school for three years straight. Once a month, we met for an hour, and it was district wide. Never once talked about teacher mental health, kind of wellness. We worried about, oh, a farmer's market for the kids like this. And, you know, a lot, okay, high school vaping fatigue, you know. So there were some issues. But you know what once talked about the culture that we've created the district I worked in, was I would compare it to a pressure cooker at the end, and so unhealthy, so unhealthy, a massive amounts of turnover. Nobody questioning why that is right. So, so anyway, yeah, they are systemic problems, which is why we need to take accountability and responsibility, fix them for ourselves. Nobody's going to fix them for us. Yeah, and know that when you are making better choices and you are exhibiting work life, you know integration in this healthy way, and your students are still doing well. You're not only improving your life, you are setting an example for generations of teachers coming up, right? Like this trend of glorifying overwork ends with me, like I made that commitment to myself, right? It ends with me. I'm not gonna. I had student teachers over the years, and I absolutely would not encourage them. I would like, okay, we're this is our time, and we're leaving. And here's the best thing you can do for yourself as a teacher, is really, you know, I gave them the permission slip, like at the end of your student teaching, I'm the one who's signing off, right? So let's do these habits together. I'm not staying late to help you. BISM, we're going to figure out what do it what are we not going to do during the school day? That is just ridiculous that we shouldn't really be doing. It doesn't improve things for you or for students. So I can, let's do it then. So I, like, made that commitment to myself, like it ends with me. I'm not carrying on this kind of craziness because it isn't sustainable. Teachers are leaving quicker than they were having we know that
that's a great way to put it is, you know, if you if it's if it's not enough to do it for you do it for the next generation of teachers. Yeah, if you want to go leave from that service. So feel free to read to reuse any that you've already given us. But can you give us your top three quick tips for teachers who are ready to take a little bit more control back of their time,
I would say the first thing is, understand that everything is a trade off. So I like to say, what is that yes cost to me when I say yes to something that I don't want to do, like being on a wellness committee. I wasn't tied to my job. Somebody made me request to be on it, right? I could have said no. I said yes. What did that yes cost me by saying yes to that, I was saying no to, you know, leaving work on time, one time, you know, one month. It didn't seem like it was that much of a time commitment. You know, it's only one hour a month, okay? But you know what? It was saying no to, like, my peace of mind, it was saying no to a lot of different things, right? So you've got to trade off. And I say no to you. I'm uncomfortable for a minute, but like, in the long run, I'm not carrying around this, like, resentment. Obviously, I was resentful about that because I'm still talking about it now, and I haven't even been at that school for two years, right? Like, so I always use say the tale of two duties, right? There was that one I was reserved for about and then there would be another duty, like I would take on science fair, and that was hours and hours and hours of coaching students and getting ribbons and finding judges and whatever. I loved that I wasn't even a science teacher, right? So if it's something you have passion for, nobody's saying leave your contract time and don't do what you want to do. If you're a music teacher, you hopefully love putting on concerts and other stuff, right? Be intentional. Do the stuff that fills you up, right? Because it isn't realistic that you can only work your contract hours. You are going to need to do some extra things, but do those things that fill you up, the things that did get you into teaching. For me, it was always being with students. I don't want to be on a stinking committee. I want to do something that's with students. Okay, so that's number one, is realize, what does that know? What that yes, cost you. It's always a trade off. Okay? Number two, I would say, like, we said, Get the apps off your phone, right? I coach in a lot of areas. And one of the things I actually coach people on is, you know, your mental diet, like, we're very, like, really understanding the how we feel based on physically, you know, what we consume. Right? We know that effect it has on us, but we don't always make that big connection between mentally, what we consume. And so I always tell people, you like, the phone should be outside your bedroom anyway, you should be very careful with technology. So limit technology. So that's two things I don't know. A third, oh my gosh, there's so much, I would say, just start with a paradigm shift that it is possible for you. Because I do hear it from a lot of people, well, that that worked for you, that would never work for me. You don't understand my students, my district, my administrators, a stickler, my this, my that. You know what? I have worked at different schools. I have worked in different industries. It's all the same challenge. It all starts with the paradigm shift that says, You know what? I can be in control of this. I can be in control of this, right? That's basically where you have to start. It's not just teachers. Like I said, I had an insane schedule when I worked in the corporate world. And that was on me, right? That was on me somewhere on campus. I didn't want to say, look around friends somewhere on campus, there is a teacher who is managing to have a better work life integration. Look at them. What are they doing differently? Well, I always tell people, there's a teacher on campus who's having a better time than you. Who are they? Hang out with them. What do they do differently?
You got a bonus tip?
That's how I ended up writing a book, because other teachers aren't was I'm not like, I never like, oh, I want to grow up and be an author, but teacher really like, what is it we have the same super small school, same kids, same parents, only one grade like, teacher per grade level. So it wasn't like you have better kids. We have the same kids. We're the same parents. Like, why is your experience different than mine? Oh, well, let me tell you, that's all I wrote the book about. So
perfect. So before we wrap up, can you let our listeners remind us where we can learn more about you, maybe your book and the work that you do online? Okay,
sure. So super easy. Grace stevens.com Stevens with a B, so my podcast, obviously, you're a podcast listener because you're listening to this. So it's called balance. Your teacher life. It's all things, getting balance and thriving and teaching without sacrificing your personal life. That's really kind of where I'm at. I do have a free download, which is a PDF. It's like a mini masterclass of saying no, and and it you can find that grace stevens.com forward slash say no. It's called the polite Teacher's Guide to saying no. So it has some scripts and some other things. So yes, there are some scripts and there are some formulas you can learn to get comfortable saying no. But again, all starts with with the mindset
perfect, and we'll be sure to link all those as well as the link to join that music teacher community so they can join your master class as
well. Yeah, I just want to say that, you know, the say no guide is very generic, but the master class is going to be specific for music teachers, so no pun intended. If your music is your jam, perfect. That's what you're gonna want to
be. Is there anything else that you'd like to share with our listeners, or about teachers, about how they can take some small, meaningful steps to move closer to balance and increase the joy?
I would say again, always starts with mindset. I you know what not to get too like, woo, woo, and come by y'all on everybody, um, but I gotta tell you, it starts with mindset, and it starts with worthiness. Like, what? Why do we feel like it's okay to be treated this way, like you don't think you're worthy of like, just because you decided to be a teacher, because you have passion for that doesn't mean you had to sacrifice other things in your life, right? It should add to your life. It shouldn't be taking away from your life and causing you this huge, huge stress. And you are worthy of having a full and complete life and bringing your best self to the classroom. And I do find, like Bryson said before, if you don't want to do it for yourself, do it for the kids or do it for the next generation. Maybe there's some other work that needs to happen there that has a kind of profession. We need to ask ourselves, what? Why do we think we would need to do it for somebody else and not for ourselves? Right? Because I know it's the biggest, the biggest thing I see that people that who I work with tell me is, oh, my family so pleased. My family is so pleased because, like, I'm home more and I'm more present, raising a question of leaving work on time. It's mentally, emotionally, like leaving it all behind, right? Leaving the stress behind too. And like, my family's so pleased, and I'm always, you know, really proud to hear that you should be pleased. To You are worthy of having a career you love and a life. So that's what I would leave you with. Well,
once again, lots of really good information in here, and I hope that the listeners really take it to heart and really kind of take a look at how their life is and where they want to be and how they can get there from Step A to step b. So thank you so much for those of you that are listening, thank you for joining us for another episode of that music podcast. Again, we'd love to have you join us inside that music teacher community. If you haven't joined us already, you will be able to check out lots of on demand professional development, including Grace's upcoming session. And in case nobody has told you lately. Thank you so much for making a difference in the lives of the students that you teach you.
